Literally...if traffic on the freeway had a mouth it would suck huge giant monkey balls.
Seriously, I hate the traffic in LA. I’d rather get a root canal every day from my doctor than sit through that horrible traffic. This post is not just about me ranting about how God shitted on all of the freeways in LA it’s about how to survive while driving through it.
First:
Let’s start with the route. NEVER TAKE THE FREEWAY. You may live 5 minutes away without traffic but with traffic turn that into an hour or two. Try and take as many side streets as possible...and not the big main streets, the actual side streets where the mass amounts of LA people don’t travel through; though I would suggest staying as far away from any gang areas. *I almost had a run in with a gang, thank God that my slang was up to date. If you don’t know the side streets...buy an effin GPS...if you buy one from Walmart I swear that ill disown you.
Second:
Bring some great tunes with you. If you have an iPod or MP3 player OR you’re still stuck in the early 2000 and have only CDs like I than bring those along. You can sing out all of your tension and in between songs you can scream fowl language at the guy who just cut you off and decided to go 5 mph. now say this: ASSHOLE IN THE PINK TRUCK, NOT EVERY GUY CAN PULL OFF PINK YOU FUCKING DICK. See, doesn’t that feel right??
Third:
Blu Tooth in hand, call people, your trip will go by a lot faster if you do this. Trust me, I can’t tell you how many times I call my sister just to talk her ear off. And even though I’m coming home to her house (where I currently stay) I always find something to say...even if its just me talking about the most random shit ever.
Fourth:
(My Favorite)
If you have a smart phone, download a gun app where you can be a true gangster and start "capping" all of the people that don’t know how to drive on the freeway. You’ll feel a lot better. Just don’t do that with a real gun...you might get arrested.
In closing,
I read an article that says people who cry at movies or have massive amounts of road rage tend to be smarter than anyone else. HA I told you I was smarter Jose Marquez!!!!
Drive safe :)
Domo at the Art Walk L.A
from Marco Siguenza
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Determination...
Determination…
Friday, was not my first adventure in LA/ Hollywood; but it is one that is worth writing about. First let me start off with a disclaimer, no hearts were broken, no large amounts of money were given to the poor after robbing a bank and no animals were hurt in this debacle; other than the cougar that I met at the Music Box (I’ll explain that later). We were determined to have an adventure; and I like to think we did.
The people that were involved consisted of a very talented and beautiful lady who I consider a best friend (Ann), her boyfriend (Mickey) who I give major credit for after scoring us some tickets to a concert AND After Party tickets for FREE. (Yes my inner Jew just popped out there for a quick second), and last but not least my newly elected wingman who not only reminded me of a Barney Stinson but followed the Bro Code to the T (E Man).
The night started off like any other, friends trying to meet up. Don’t you hate that feeling…its like your anticipating the night waiting for your friends to show up, or your racing through traffic cutting off old ladies or gangsters riding it “low” while trying to get to the place your meeting everybody. But once everyone is together the night can begin. So I’m going to compare this feeling to cocaine; you know its bad for you but once you take it your as happy as a fat kid running around with a donut in its mouth. (I don’t take drugs so don’t get too excited, it’s just an example people). Once we all met up, I was that fat kid with a donut in its mouth. We all met at a place called La Velvet Margarita; located in Hollywood off Cahuenga Blvd. and Selma. The atmosphere looked as if it belonged in a pimped out hell for Latinos. Seriously, there were many enticing sites to view at this restaurant. The not so enticing part was the food. Nowhere have I spent more than $25 for Mexican food for one person (There goes my Jew again). Honestly, I would not pay that much for Mexican food ever again (watch, I‘m going to eat these words later; feel free to chastise me when I pay that much for Mexican food) it was truly bland. Granted I was a little tipsy, but I think when you’re tipsy everything tastes amazing. I have never heard a stoner tell me a cheeseburger from McDonalds was horrible. Thus I’m not going to eat at this place again. Either way the dark lighting, dancing marionettes, and Sombrero lined walls made the atmosphere what it was meant to be; an awesome place to get drunk.
We left that dark hole where drinks weren’t cheap and the food wasn’t either to a more expensive but definitely worth it place…the Music Box. If you have never been there, I suggest you go. Because seriously it was ridiculous. One, we got in for free, which is always amazing. Two, the place was packed full of people MY age (though there were some cougars on the hunt). Last, we got to see a band that I have never heard of before…Local Natives. Before I tell you about the Local Natives lets start off with the Music Box first. Mickey got us passes to the balcony, roof top party, and After Party. That alone was a crazy adventure. E Man, being the newly appointed Wing Man explained his method of girls and the games they play as we partied the night away on top of the roof.
He starts off saying that all women like a challenge; agreed! Then he explains to me the smoking technique that women use to get what they want, even if it’s not the guy their after.
Two guys will be smoking, a women walks up. The women ask the guys for a smoke and a light. She strikes up a pointless conversation, not trying to be rude and shows the guy she’s not really there for the smoke; when technically she is. The guys respond with a smile, entreat her conversation and ultimately are left to dust after the girl gets what she wants and leave.
SPOILER ALERT
If any of you are NOT looking to get with E Man, please jump a paragraph and DON’T read this story coming up. You will be challenged by this next statement, attempting to try this out and you will ultimately end up in bed with him.
E Man's plan around this is to call the girl straight out. Telling the girl that all she wants to do is take his cigarettes and leave. She will protest against this and will try to strike up a conversation. He will again call her out on her bullshit while she tells him what she does, why she’s here, or where she’s from. She WILL, and trust me this happens, be enticed by this call out. Then (In most cases it depends on the girl) in her drunken stage will whisper in his ear that she wants him, or that she wants to see him later. (No offense E man, the girl that did this at first was a 6…not much to show; BUT it proved to work even on an 8 later in the night). NOTE: Some girls are different, while most girls are like this…I know…that’s why I don’t smoke; I’d run out of cigarettes all the time.
So…while E Man and I are having a blast flirting with women and testing out E Man’s cigarette theory, the concert of Local Natives begins inside. We travel into the dark, murky, stuffed up room to watch them play. IT WAS HOT. I’m not talking about the band, I’m talking about the temperature, and it must have been 100 degrees in there. Either way the band did justice to their CD’s and their fans. Girls went wild, some guys too (it’s Hollywood) and ultimately it was a great show. While we watched the show a couple of cougars began to flirt with us. Its like they knew our weakness, but we fended them off; telling them that no amount of alcohol will get me ravaged by a cougar. Ok, we never said that but after awhile the cougars backed away seeing their prey were fast to get away. Seriously, we ran a couple of times from some cougars.
After the show, we went to the After Party. When anyone thinks of an After Party, especially for a band; they think large amounts of free alcohol, blaring music, band members fighting off girls trying to rip their shirts off. Well this wasn’t the case. It was very laid back, and when I mean laid back, I mean 4 people were occupying the roof with us. The band members showed up and we all said “hi” telling them they had a great show, that whole thing. Seeing how it was such a failure, and our buzz was going away fast we decided to wet our palates and head down to our last stop for the night…The Burgundy Room.
Though it might seem that the bars name was dedicated to Ron Burgundy because he’s a legend; it was not. The initial reaction when we walked in this bar was…where the damn light is! This place was as dark as a horror film. The scarce lighting cascaded large shadows all over the place. To a person who’s drunk…it’s a heaven because now one will ever see you throw up…or drop a candle glass that you “borrow” from the Music Box. While we finished filling ourselves up with large amounts of alcohol; we ended the night with a bang. Well technically a huge scratch against a side door of your DD’s car. That’s right, while pulling out of the only parking spot available in Hollywood we accidentally scraped the side of E Man’s car with the building. That’s right…I said the building…it came out at us! All in all it was a great night, after paying for overpriced Mexican food, testing out theories on women, and drinking our sorrows away it was a great night. We were determined to have an adventure that night; and we succeeded at doing so. I hoped you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed experiencing it. No run ins with cops yet, that ill save for future adventures.
Friday, was not my first adventure in LA/ Hollywood; but it is one that is worth writing about. First let me start off with a disclaimer, no hearts were broken, no large amounts of money were given to the poor after robbing a bank and no animals were hurt in this debacle; other than the cougar that I met at the Music Box (I’ll explain that later). We were determined to have an adventure; and I like to think we did.
The people that were involved consisted of a very talented and beautiful lady who I consider a best friend (Ann), her boyfriend (Mickey) who I give major credit for after scoring us some tickets to a concert AND After Party tickets for FREE. (Yes my inner Jew just popped out there for a quick second), and last but not least my newly elected wingman who not only reminded me of a Barney Stinson but followed the Bro Code to the T (E Man).
The night started off like any other, friends trying to meet up. Don’t you hate that feeling…its like your anticipating the night waiting for your friends to show up, or your racing through traffic cutting off old ladies or gangsters riding it “low” while trying to get to the place your meeting everybody. But once everyone is together the night can begin. So I’m going to compare this feeling to cocaine; you know its bad for you but once you take it your as happy as a fat kid running around with a donut in its mouth. (I don’t take drugs so don’t get too excited, it’s just an example people). Once we all met up, I was that fat kid with a donut in its mouth. We all met at a place called La Velvet Margarita; located in Hollywood off Cahuenga Blvd. and Selma. The atmosphere looked as if it belonged in a pimped out hell for Latinos. Seriously, there were many enticing sites to view at this restaurant. The not so enticing part was the food. Nowhere have I spent more than $25 for Mexican food for one person (There goes my Jew again). Honestly, I would not pay that much for Mexican food ever again (watch, I‘m going to eat these words later; feel free to chastise me when I pay that much for Mexican food) it was truly bland. Granted I was a little tipsy, but I think when you’re tipsy everything tastes amazing. I have never heard a stoner tell me a cheeseburger from McDonalds was horrible. Thus I’m not going to eat at this place again. Either way the dark lighting, dancing marionettes, and Sombrero lined walls made the atmosphere what it was meant to be; an awesome place to get drunk.
We left that dark hole where drinks weren’t cheap and the food wasn’t either to a more expensive but definitely worth it place…the Music Box. If you have never been there, I suggest you go. Because seriously it was ridiculous. One, we got in for free, which is always amazing. Two, the place was packed full of people MY age (though there were some cougars on the hunt). Last, we got to see a band that I have never heard of before…Local Natives. Before I tell you about the Local Natives lets start off with the Music Box first. Mickey got us passes to the balcony, roof top party, and After Party. That alone was a crazy adventure. E Man, being the newly appointed Wing Man explained his method of girls and the games they play as we partied the night away on top of the roof.
He starts off saying that all women like a challenge; agreed! Then he explains to me the smoking technique that women use to get what they want, even if it’s not the guy their after.
Two guys will be smoking, a women walks up. The women ask the guys for a smoke and a light. She strikes up a pointless conversation, not trying to be rude and shows the guy she’s not really there for the smoke; when technically she is. The guys respond with a smile, entreat her conversation and ultimately are left to dust after the girl gets what she wants and leave.
SPOILER ALERT
If any of you are NOT looking to get with E Man, please jump a paragraph and DON’T read this story coming up. You will be challenged by this next statement, attempting to try this out and you will ultimately end up in bed with him.
E Man's plan around this is to call the girl straight out. Telling the girl that all she wants to do is take his cigarettes and leave. She will protest against this and will try to strike up a conversation. He will again call her out on her bullshit while she tells him what she does, why she’s here, or where she’s from. She WILL, and trust me this happens, be enticed by this call out. Then (In most cases it depends on the girl) in her drunken stage will whisper in his ear that she wants him, or that she wants to see him later. (No offense E man, the girl that did this at first was a 6…not much to show; BUT it proved to work even on an 8 later in the night). NOTE: Some girls are different, while most girls are like this…I know…that’s why I don’t smoke; I’d run out of cigarettes all the time.
So…while E Man and I are having a blast flirting with women and testing out E Man’s cigarette theory, the concert of Local Natives begins inside. We travel into the dark, murky, stuffed up room to watch them play. IT WAS HOT. I’m not talking about the band, I’m talking about the temperature, and it must have been 100 degrees in there. Either way the band did justice to their CD’s and their fans. Girls went wild, some guys too (it’s Hollywood) and ultimately it was a great show. While we watched the show a couple of cougars began to flirt with us. Its like they knew our weakness, but we fended them off; telling them that no amount of alcohol will get me ravaged by a cougar. Ok, we never said that but after awhile the cougars backed away seeing their prey were fast to get away. Seriously, we ran a couple of times from some cougars.
After the show, we went to the After Party. When anyone thinks of an After Party, especially for a band; they think large amounts of free alcohol, blaring music, band members fighting off girls trying to rip their shirts off. Well this wasn’t the case. It was very laid back, and when I mean laid back, I mean 4 people were occupying the roof with us. The band members showed up and we all said “hi” telling them they had a great show, that whole thing. Seeing how it was such a failure, and our buzz was going away fast we decided to wet our palates and head down to our last stop for the night…The Burgundy Room.
Though it might seem that the bars name was dedicated to Ron Burgundy because he’s a legend; it was not. The initial reaction when we walked in this bar was…where the damn light is! This place was as dark as a horror film. The scarce lighting cascaded large shadows all over the place. To a person who’s drunk…it’s a heaven because now one will ever see you throw up…or drop a candle glass that you “borrow” from the Music Box. While we finished filling ourselves up with large amounts of alcohol; we ended the night with a bang. Well technically a huge scratch against a side door of your DD’s car. That’s right, while pulling out of the only parking spot available in Hollywood we accidentally scraped the side of E Man’s car with the building. That’s right…I said the building…it came out at us! All in all it was a great night, after paying for overpriced Mexican food, testing out theories on women, and drinking our sorrows away it was a great night. We were determined to have an adventure that night; and we succeeded at doing so. I hoped you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed experiencing it. No run ins with cops yet, that ill save for future adventures.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Who are you?
No, seriously...who are you? Most likely I have never met you in my life...and if you've met me...I'm sorry. LOL. The fact is ...'m finally writing what I want to write...no more bullshit papers, bullshit reviews, and bullshit. I’m here to just write; and whatever my heart desires is most likely going to make you laugh...at me; or my adventures.
This page is dedicated to the culturally inept. I want to show you what populates the streets of LA and its neighboring cities that make this area aMecca
*NOTE*...I find thatHollywood
Ill
So...enough with this introduction...if your reading this...and you want to experience first hand an adventure in the LA area...message me. This Friday I’m going with some good friends to do some local bar hopping; a great start to a possible great (or disastrous) blog :)
This page is dedicated to the culturally inept. I want to show you what populates the streets of LA and its neighboring cities that make this area a
*NOTE*...I find that
So...enough with this introduction...if your reading this...and you want to experience first hand an adventure in the LA area...message me. This Friday I’m going with some good friends to do some local bar hopping; a great start to a possible great (or disastrous) blog :)
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