Traffic in LA sucks balls

Literally...if traffic on the freeway had a mouth it would suck huge giant monkey balls.

Seriously, I hate the traffic in LA. I’d rather get a root canal every day from my doctor than sit through that horrible traffic. This post is not just about me ranting about how God shitted on all of the freeways in LA it’s about how to survive while driving through it.

First:
Let’s start with the route. NEVER TAKE THE FREEWAY. You may live 5 minutes away without traffic but with traffic turn that into an hour or two. Try and take as many side streets as possible...and not the big main streets, the actual side streets where the mass amounts of LA people don’t travel through; though I would suggest staying as far away from any gang areas. *I almost had a run in with a gang, thank God that my slang was up to date. If you don’t know the side streets...buy an effin GPS...if you buy one from Walmart I swear that ill disown you.

Second:
Bring some great tunes with you. If you have an iPod or MP3 player OR you’re still stuck in the early 2000 and have only CDs like I than bring those along. You can sing out all of your tension and in between songs you can scream fowl language at the guy who just cut you off and decided to go 5 mph. now say this: ASSHOLE IN THE PINK TRUCK, NOT EVERY GUY CAN PULL OFF PINK YOU FUCKING DICK. See, doesn’t that feel right??

Third:
Blu Tooth in hand, call people, your trip will go by a lot faster if you do this. Trust me, I can’t tell you how many times I call my sister just to talk her ear off. And even though I’m coming home to her house (where I currently stay) I always find something to say...even if its just me talking about the most random shit ever.

Fourth:
(My Favorite)
If you have a smart phone, download a gun app where you can be a true gangster and start "capping" all of the people that don’t know how to drive on the freeway. You’ll feel a lot better. Just don’t do that with a real gun...you might get arrested.

In closing,
I read an article that says people who cry at movies or have massive amounts of road rage tend to be smarter than anyone else. HA I told you I was smarter Jose Marquez!!!!
Drive safe :)